Showing posts with label Sunday Schooled. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sunday Schooled. Show all posts

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Sunday Schooled - White Folks

White Folks


(Photo Dr. Sam Varner (left) and Baseball Legend Jackie Robinson (right)

Drew Morris, a (White, and I say that to provide a visual) minister who is around 65 (Pops is 70) shared with me in a meeting information about my Dad that I didn't know. He stated "Your Dad is a phenomenal man, he has done things that others are still scared to do. He deserves a lot of recognition. He then says "We were in a meeting and he shared with us that Dr. King (The Honorable Dr. Martin Luther King) told my father in a meeting "You'll have to get rid of your hate for White people to do your job." Dad then reportedly shared in this meeting with Drew other things he did during the Civil Rights era involving racial reconciliation. Drew shared how he admired how my Dad, and other Blacks, rose above the problems of that time to act in a manner exemplified by Yeshua (Jesus). As a child I used to wonder how my parent's and ancestors lived under the suffocating veil of evil White supremacy without wanting to kill every White person in sight. As mad as I would become after hearing their stories I still couldn't hate Whites because my parents wouldn't allow that. They taught me to love Black and love White and everything in between. A lady once set Pops' hair on fire when he rooted for the other team at a football game. The Blancos around him wouldn't let him put out the fire nor retaliate against the witch. How could he be so loving after facing so much hate... He attributed it to "a relationship with Christ"... I thought that he and Christ were both crazy.
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Sunday Schooled is a collection of former blog post by Seko Varner. This post was originally
posted on Janruary 24, 2008 while Dr. Varner was still alive .
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Dad is pictured above with his friend..........Baseball legend Jackie Robinson (the second photo displays Dad with my brother and I). I remember coming home from school after learning about Jackie Robinson in school and telling Dad and Mom I want to play Baseball like Jackie Robinson. Dad said something to the effect of "Jackie used to throw balls at you when you were a baby." Dad then pulled Jackie Robinson's book off of his bookshelf and showed me a signature from Jackie with comments that could only be made from people who are close. Dad used to minister to Jackie Robinson's family and was even referenced in the book's "Thank You's". This picture still makes me shiver. Two men who both shaped and changed the world I live in. Two men who faced the cruelty of Amerika squarely in the face and 'showed love' in response to hate.

Dad raised us in a rather Afro-Centric environment, yet never showed a disdain for anyone. We were taught to love Africa and America. I still get looks of surprise when I often end prayers with my kids by saying "GOD bless Africa, GOD bless America, GOD bless everybody." GOD bless everybody.... Even those I want to hate. When Dad spoke of people he hated he spoke of Blacks who were racial betrayers. Dad is chock full of stories where White-folks did incredibly devilish acts of hatred to him, yet he only hated when 'we' didn't achieve, when 'we' hurt each-other, when 'we' failed to improve our station in life, when 'we' didn't appreciate ourselves...........Achieve, heal us, improve yourself, appreciate us.

02/03/2013 Addendum. Yesterday I sat on the edge of my seat enjoying a learning from Rich Thawley, a giant in my business of World Financial Group. In the midst of his session where he taught us about doing business in the realm of the Lower Law and moving towards doing business in the Higher Law, he shared a quote attributed to Abraham Lincoln that I had recently heard from my mentor John Epting. "Pray like it's up to God, work like it's up to you." Rich talked about working in Love for our clients noting that we have products and services that can change lives forever. Rich shared how we should talk the three languages of Higher Law to help our clients, and to help ourselves, combat the natural tendency to avoid actions that seem hard while obviously leading to improvement. Rich shared how many in America have been DCP'd (Discouraged, Criticizied, and Put-Down) and it may up to us to guide them towards the Promised Land. Rich began his talk by sharing that too many in our country have accepted eight personally destructive values. Rich taught that too many (1) Want winning to be easy, (2) Want life to be fair and fairly distributed, (3) Get their feelings hurt and stop their progress, (4) Worry too much or too little about the opinions of others, (5) Are afraid to compete, (6) Want someone else to do things for them, (7) Are easily distracted, and (8) Think like employees rather than the masters of their fate. As Rich ended his talk I was standing on my feet waiting on his next word. He ended with "Life will only give you what you will fight for...."
Ashee.
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Seko Varner is from Positive Vibes Financial, a World Financial Group team of financial services agents. They specialize in debt reduction, investments, and insurances. Seko is also in high demand as a special events DJ and owns an event marketing service. Seko has diverse background in business, real estate, counseling and education. Seko is active with numerous Youth Mentorship programs and has a background in radio and television. Visit www.HappilyEverAfter.Be or call 757-248-3820 for more details.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Sunday Schooled - I smile, you smile

I smile, you smile.

(Photo - Sam Varner graduates from Princeton University)
Dad's family wished him well as he discussed going to college. His mother and father both had third grade educations. His grandparents had less formal education. He used to tell me "I was never the smart child, I was only the one that was able to self motivate himself." In truth my father's siblings all did well. My grandfather, My father's Father had three families with three wives, He buried the first two wives and my grandmother buried my grandfather. My Grandfather had over 28 children and took care of all of them. My Father grew up calling many of his brothers and sisters aunt and uncle. These brothers and sisters were from my Grandfather's previous marriages. When my Grandfather married my Grandfather was in his late 60's and early 70s and my grandmother, formerly my grandfather's housekeeper, was in her 20s....... Back to the story..... 

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'Sunday Schooled' is a collection of blog posts from Seko Varner's former blogs. This post was dated 12/05/2007 while Seko's father, Rev. Dr. Samuel Varner was alive.
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(Photo Will Varner & Sam Varner Circa 1950ish)
The family went from plush to poor as the Whites in his neighborhood tricked his father out of land that he acquired. At one time my grandfather owned the first T-Model Ford vehicle in Opelika, Alabama and had acres of land. After the devils finished with him, he was extremely poor. Dad grew up with no running water, eating every two days at times, and in a home/shack that may seem third-world'ish in today's American standards. I remember the day he received his Doctorate degree from Princeton. He smiled widely for hours. His teeth became dry, he was so proud.

He ensured that my siblings and I had an easier life. He ensured that he was a better husband than his father was. He ensured that he would be able to provide us with an education after formal school since his father wasn't able to provide him with that opportunity. Dad made sure that he was the man that his father trained him to be and the man that his father wanted to be. Dad often told me that a dwarf standing on the arms of a giant can see farther and go farther than the giant. As I talk to Dad about the necessity of having more than an educational opportunity for my kids he simply smiles. I realized today that the smile he gives during those talk is the same as when he graduated. His graduation graduated our family, my new insight provides our family's new insight. I shine you shine. I pray now that I can experience that smile for many more years. After his last surgery his appetite has decreased. Dad now can go days without feeling hungry. I now enjoy every meal with him in a different light. Just watching him eat makes me smile.

It's funny......When I smile my son looks at me and smiles without knowing why. I guess I have a dwarf on my shoulders now. I smile, he smiles.
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Seko Varner is from Positive Vibes Financial, a World Financial Group team of financial services agents. They specialize in debt reduction, investments, and insurances. Seko is also in high demand as a special events DJ and owns an event marketing service. Seko has diverse background in business, real estate, counseling and education. Seko is active with numerous Youth Mentorship programs and has a background in radio and television. Visit www.HappilyEverAfter.Be or call 757-248-3820 for more details.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Sunday Schooled - I'm Bigger than that.

"I'm bigger than that."


I had a dear friend ask me today how I was able to get past the "kid-resentment". I mentioned to him how at times I had problems with the time that my children take from me and the opportunities that having a family has prevented me from taking. He is a father as well, and is struggling with something that I heard other men speak of privately. I'm sure it sounds like a weakness of the spirit to speak of this in public, so I believe that many fathers keep this to ourselves. Actually, I've only heard a few mothers speak of the Kid-resentment factor.. I'm not sure what to make of that revelation.
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'Sunday Schooled' is a re-posting of Seko's former blog posts. This is a re-post of a posting dated July 8, 2008. During that time Seko's father and mother-in-law were still alive.
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My experience in Fatherhood has been based in marriage, in the creation of the foundation of a family. So in many ways this resentment is more of a difficulty of Family than it is with being a Father. When entering my marriage the idea that the two will share each others dreams seems all-inclusive. It's been my experience that our dreams are shared to an extent in the best of situations. For instance: I've always dreamed of living out of the country for a few years, my wife can't imagine being physically away from her family. My dream, her nightmare. There really is no way that the two dreams can be reconciled fully. In my decision to become one with my beloved I had to attempt to kill my dream. Simply visiting or traveling isn't my dream. Having a vacation home out of the country for a few months isn't my dream. The specifics of my particular dream will never come to fruition unless my Wife kills her dream of always being in close proximity with her family. A commitment to a relationship means the killing of some of one's dreams in some way. This situation causes some resentment. I'm sure this resentment is natural and healthy and expected and all that other BS......It's something I have to deal with. I see the commitment I have with my children as having a similar experience.

In becoming a Father I have to let go of some of my agenda-items. I have to make decisions to engage in activities that I'm not fully interested in, not really concerned with. Working for, and knowing that my movements are for the greater good, is not always going to make me feel good and in many instances don't match with my agenda. I can say that the joy and accomplishments I see in my children seem to quell the rise of resentment. The hugs and interest I receive from my kids often dispel the dream/freedom-loss that I experience. I told this friend to hug his kids more, enjoy their experiences, and to spend more time with them and his resentment will fade.

So then my friend wanted to know what he could do when the hugs, the interest, the pride, the love, the sharing, the accomplishments are not enough to wash away the resentment. I shared how I often tell myself "I'm bigger than that." seems to work for me. I use these few words as a mantra almost daily, not out of ritual, but out of necessity......

I've had to kill some of my dreams to be in a relationship. I've had to kill some of my dreams to be a father. Truthfully I have to keep killing these dreams as they seem to arise the next day, next week, next year. I found that these dreams are similar to a Phoenix, rising out of the ashes. It's similar to the "Christian" construct of dying to self daily to allow the Christ to live in you daily (I'm aware that historically the concept of dying to self daily to allow the creator to live more fully is older than my religion.....Back-up off of me you haters). I have to die to self daily to allow the Father and Husband in me live. Being myself and being a Father doesn't always jibe. Being a Father is a more developed position that being myself ever could be. Having a committed relationship is a far more advanced state of existence than simply 'being myself' could ever be. The truth is, being in a relationship makes one bigger.

I ended the conversation with my friend realizing that I really had nothing concrete to help him over the hump except for him to know that I was always here for him to speak too. Upon the close of our conversation I realized that having my friend to bounce ideas, concerns, and worries off of has indeed made me bigger. I just pray that he feels bigger from our call. Bless you my friend, let's grow together ! Daddies til' the day we die !

Seko
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Seko Varner is from Positive Vibes Financial, a World Financial Group team of financial services agents. They specialize in debt reduction, investments, and insurances. Seko is also in high demand as a special events DJ and owns an event marketing service. Seko has diverse background in business, real estate, counseling and education. Seko is active with numerous Youth Mentorship programs and has a background in radio and television. Visit www.HappilyEverAfter.Be or call 757-248-3820 for more details.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Sunday Schooled - When I get married...

When I get married...

      Lately the Lil' Diva has had to deal with a lot of loss. In July 2009 her beloved maternal grandmother became an ancestor. In September 2009 her beloved paternal grandfather became an ancestor and her paternal grandmother was placed into the intensive care unit almost becoming an ancestor. She, the Lil' Diva, dealt with celebrating both of their birthdays without them yet full of tears by our family. She smiled and laughed through a difficult 2009 Thanksgiving-Christmas-Kwanzaa-New Years Holy-day/holiday season hiding her loss with comedy and artistic engagement.
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 'Sunday Schooled' is a collection of blog posts from Seko Varner's former blogs. This post was dated 01/26/2010. The original post is:
http://daddyvarner.blogspot.com/2010/01/when-i-get-married.html 
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     Then in January 2010 I, her Dad, was placed in the hospital for an emergency life-saving surgery on the same night that her paternal grandmother was placed into the hospital again. During all of this time she has become more apt to shed tears or crack a joke than previously. Yesterday while folding clothes she huffed up the stairs opened the door to my bedroom and stated to my wife and I "Mens underwear are gross ! When I get married my husband is going to have to do his own laundry !" Then she looked directly at me still recovering from my surgery and added "Unless he's sick of course." and semi-slammed the door as she returned to her unfortunate chore (she knew better than to really slam the door).......................................... Children say the darnedest things.
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Seko Varner is from Positive Vibes Financial, a World Financial Group team of financial services agents. They specialize in debt reduction, investments, and insurances. Seko is in high demand as a special events DJ and owns an event marketing service. Seko has diverse background in business, counseling and education. Seko is active with numerous Youth Mentorship programs and has a background in radio and television. Visit www.HappilyEverAfter.Be or call 757-248-3820.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Sunday Schooled - Thanksgiving...Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving.....Giving Thanks....

     Thanksgiving was frequently spent at a relatives or parents-friends home (according to memory). The fondest of which were always with my pops side of the family. Today I'm thankful that Pops is alive. A while ago Dad was in the hospital and most recently Mom was in the hospital. The idea of being without a parent hit me like a Tyson blow (pre-carnivorous Tyson) . I've never been without either of my parents, the thought of the loss is a bit for me to fathom.

     I've long left the myth of the so-called Indian and so-called Pilgrims alone (I'm actually struggling with keeping quiet while these teachers are teaching my children that myth.......However, I realize I live in America. Attacking that myth will seem like selling USA-Haterade, almost Al-Quida'ish.) Thanksgiving has become a little more to me that the bull-chips presented in the commercial media which has become American culture.
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 'Sunday Schooled' is a collection of blog posts from Seko Varner's former blogs. This post was dated 11/22/2007 while Seko's father, Rev. Dr. Samuel Varner was alive. 

Original post:http://drivingmrdaddy.blogspot.com/2007/11/thanksgiving.html
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      I'm thankful for the lessons and life of Mom and Dad (note the photo of my parents to the left). I'm thankful to be a Dad. I look forward to tomorrow as my parents are currently doing well, but I know that the time is forthcoming for me to be parent-less. That frightens me more than I can express. 
 
      It's weird to be scared for my parents, I used to be scared of them. That fear kept me from doing a lot of things my peers became involved in. As a teen Pops would stay up at night and inspect my eyes and breath as I returned from DJing a party or hanging out. As a teen I was constantly worried that Dad would do a pop visit at my school catching me being a teenager. He did a few of those and the fear of them kept me on my toes. Currently I'm afraid that I will disappoint pops more that worrying about his blows. Interestingly enough that fear of disappointing my parents has geared me towards what people always seem to attribute to being in a church. I'm constantly asked "What church do you belong to ?" Folks seem surprised that I attend a church weekly but am not a member of any church. My behavior is truly more of a function of not wanting to disappoint my parents, my ancestors, and God rather than simply having a church inspired life. I remember the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan saying that a child first understands God through his parents. I'm thankful that I was raised by Yeshua (Jesus) by way of my parents. My father, the Minister, frequently told his flock "People would rather see a sermon that hear one." I grew up in a sermon and I'm thankful. I could have done without the "Spare the rod and spoil the child" sermon however. OUCH !
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Post script: 11/22/2012 - Today both my father and Mother-In-law are both ancestors of three years (May their memory continue to be a blessing). My Father-In-Law has remarried (Ashee), and my Mother is beginning to be embrace a life without her husband (Ashee-Amen). Today I am giving thanks for my ancestors. I walk in the glory of their struggle. Their blood, sweat, and tears..... and their laughter, joy, and prayers, has become the golden streets of our existence. Today I give thanks for my family. Today I give thanks for my family who are marching and remembering by mourning the lives of those who were decimated as a result of the actions of the man we call Christopher Columbus. Today I give thanks for what America has become, those who defend our country, and those who struggled to make it what it is.
Seko
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Seko Varner is from Positive Vibes Financial, a World Financial Group team of financial services agents. They specialize in debt reduction, investments, and insurances. Seko is in high demand as a special events DJ and owns an event marketing service. Seko has diverse background in business, counseling and education and has a background in radio and television. www.HappilyEverAfter.Be or 757-248-3820 for details.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Sunday Schooled - Daddy doesn't take points.

Daddy doesn't take points. 
The wifey' has developed a point system to address the sun-son's third grade transition. Whenever he makes a 'bad choice' he looses points. At the beginning of the week he begins with 100 points. I've smiled and been very supportive of the process and have reminded him to make sure his behavior doesn't result in a loss of points from his mother.

I didn't realize that he had noticed that I hadn't used the point system in my guiding interactions with lil' man. He shared with my wifey' "Daddy doesn't take points. Maybe you should teach him how..." One morning I reminded him of his morning duties prior to taking my shower. As I finished getting dressed I checked-in on the lil' ones to ensure progress. I didn't hear the lil' ones upstairs so I traveled downstairs meeting my son at the bottom of the stairs with a surprised look on his face. "Did you clean your floor and make your bed son ?" He said "Uh....No Dad." I asked "Didn't I ask you to do your morning duties ?". He took one step up the stairs and turned around looking at me and returned "You really need to learn how to take away points Dad." I looked up responding "I don't take points, I give spankings." He ran up the stairs, did his duties, did his sister's duties, and turned off the lights in my room........Amen......Ashee.....

Seko Varner
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'Sunday Schooled' is a collection of blog posts from Seko Varner's former blogs. This post was dated 10/26/2008 while Seko's father, Rev. Dr. Samuel Varner was alive. 
Original post:http://daddyvarner.blogspot.com/2008/10/daddy-doesnt-take-points.html
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Seko Varner is from Positive Vibes Financial, a World Financial Group team of financial services agents. They specialize in debt reduction, investments, and insurances. Seko is also in high demand as a special events DJ and owns an event marketing service. Seko has diverse background in business, counseling and education. He has been real estate agent, a school counselor, a teacher, and an Intensive In-Home Counselor. Seko is active with numerous Youth Mentorship programs and has a background in radio and television. Visit www.HappilyEverAfter.Be or call 757-248-3820 for more details.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Sunday Schooled - This one's for you

11/2/2012.....Here we are four years later. Mum looked at me today and said "I'm strong enough to go to the election polls myself now. I'll be casting my vote this time. You won't have to vote for me. You can vote for Mitt Romney if you want this year. I don't see why you would want to." Earlier this week I was barraged by folks wanting to know what my political plans were. When someone asked me "Are you better off now than you were four years ago ?" I had to admit that I was better. My improved existence isn't due to any political action..........Thankfully..........Time does indeed heal wounds...... Ashee, Amen.

This one's for you

Photos from David Schwartz
11/4/2008 - Mama's catching it right about now. Pops is having health difficulties, Mama-Granny is having health problems, my cousin has acted in a manner that's disrespectful and will need to keep a distance from me , & now she's in the hospital.

A week ago she shared in a story how surreal it is to be born in the 1940's in the United States and to face against racial and gender discrimination and to quietly yet deeply fear raising two Black boys. She had seen America spit out and chew Black boys even in the best of circumstances. She wasn't allowed to enter certain restaurants, establishments, and walks of life due to her race and gender as she was growing up. She saw men and women scarred by America while saying the Pledge of Allegiance. As she pledged allegiance to a country who violated and abused her fellow Americans of African and Indian descent she placed her faith on the cross of Christ. She stood up for and held onto love towards men who walked away from responsibility and fought the devils in alcohol. drugs, crime, and perversion.
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'Sunday Schooled' is a collection of blog posts from Seko Varner's former blogs. This post was dated 11/04/2008 while Seko's father, Rev. Dr. Samuel Varner was alive. 
Original post:http://ablogformama.blogspot.com/2008/11/this-ones-for-you.html
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Mom marched with Dr. King, listened to Malcolm, and later lit seven cultural candles after celebrating the birthday celebration of her savior. Mom worked and received lower paychecks and was shut-out of some businesses due to her womanhood. And now she had a chance to vote for a Barak Obama.

This is something that she spoke into me and my brother as we were lil'. "You could even be the President of the United States of America." While she was attempting to bolster her children with a wealth of the hope that embraces the "American dream "she truly didn't believe that it could happen for one of America's African children. My parents kept me in love with our African and Indian roots as much as they immersed us into almost all-white environments. She put up with polite smiles and back-stabbing church and professional peers who spoke of love and equality and practiced distance......And now she had a chance to vote for a Barak Obama.

Mom spoke of feeling like she was dreaming when she graduated from school and "they" made "them" all get into a bus to vote. She fearfully yet fearlessly got in the line expecting the usual police batons, citizen threats, or the whispered about bombs and was able to cast her vote for John F. Kennedy. She couldn't believe that she was able to do what so many had died trying to do. She couldn't believe that she was safe in participating in American society after being an American negro......And now she had a chance to vote for a Barak Obama.

We sat and she marveled while watching videos on the Internet involving people of all backgrounds demonstrate their support of Barack Obama in song, poetry, and speech. She marveled as one video showed bridges across the world with people holding signs endorsing Obama. Here I sat; her privileged Afro-revolutionary-thinking, Black-Republican-acting, Broke yet blessed elitist behaving, Suburban-raised yet hood-loving, Conservative-radio addicted son. She and others bled and suffered for me to be able to believe what I believe. As she marveled I marveled. She has seen America become closer to what America claimed it was. As southern rapper Young Jeezy says to Barack Obama in one his songs "Win, loose, or draw......You have changed the world for us." This is surreal to her.

Yesterday Barak Obama's grandmother died (11/03/2008 Roman Calendar) . Two days ago Mum was placed into the hospital fighting against pneumonia. She won't get a chance to vote and she's worried that her conservative son's vote may be one of the votes that defeats her realized dream in Obama's candidacy.

I awoke at 3:00 AM. I arrived at the polling place at 4:35 AM. The polls opened up at 6:00 AM. I cast my vote at 6:05 AM. My wifey arrived at 5:30 AM and cast her vote at 7:30 AM. I'll pick-up my Daddy around 10:00 AM to take him to the polls. This is surreal for him as well. Looking at the line behind me this morning was surreal. I shed a tear for Mum as I approached the voting booth. This is something she wasn't able to do today after praying, working, and bleeding for the opportunity. Mum, this one's for you.

Seko VArner
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Post-script - 11/02/2012
        Whatever the outcome of the Presidental election - God Bless America. God bless Africa. God bless everybody.
Seko
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Seko Varner is from Positive Vibes Financial, a World Financial Group team of financial services agents. They specialize in debt reduction, investments, and insurances.
Seko is in high demand as a special events DJ and owns an event marketing service. Seko has diverse background in business, counseling and education. He has experience in real estate agent, school counseling, school teaching, and youth/family counseling.
Seko is active with numerous Youth Mentorship programs and has a background in radio and television. Visit www.HappilyEverAfter.Be or call 757-248-3820 for more details.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Sunday Schooled - The Riot Starter

The Riot Starter

T'was the night before News Years (Roman Calendar December 31st, 2008) and we just picked up Pops to take him to go to the Watch Night Service. Mums didn't feel good and refused to go with us stating "I'll be fine right here." as she gently patted the bed she laid in. When Pops (Rev. Dr. Samuel Varner) opened the door his pupils were dilated and he stood rocking back-and-forth trying to get his balance. His Glaucoma is kicking his tail, the surgery he recently had for his eyes seems to be in vain. The eye that didn't receive the surgery is now his "good" eye.

We walked out of the house, off the porch, and then made a wide circle towards the vehicle instead of walking directly to the truck. Instead of guiding him I let him find his way. It has to be depressing to loose your vision. He's facing the same thing his father faced.......Blindness. He shared with me a few days prior to Christmas how I'm fulfilling the same role he fulfilled for his father..... He became his father's eyes, I'm doing the same.....Reluctantly. I try as much as possible to allow Pops to accomplish anything he can with out treating him as a crippled man. As I fully want to guide him to the car as a normal person would move, he needs to be capable. He wants to be capable. He can get so cranky when he's helped to do things he can do for himself.
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'Sunday Schooled' is a collection of blog posts from Seko Varner's former blogs. This post was dated 01/01/2009 while Seko's father, Rev. Dr. Samuel Varner was alive. 
Original post:http://drivingmrdaddy.blogspot.com/2009/01/riot-starter.html 
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En route to the church Pops mentioned a friend of the family, Sarah Kinard, who is writing her thesis about her father and my Pops' Omega Psi Phi chapter brother John Kinard. John helped Pops cross into our Omega fold in 1958. Influenced by a man in his neighborhood Pops was originally interested in the Alpha Phi Alpha fraternity but as one of the Alphas on campus showed an interest in Pops in a different way (he attempted to force a sexual advance upon my father. My father beat that Alpha up) Pops decided against Alpha Phi Alpha. Dad said "I was black-balled. Other Alphas told me I would never survive the process and would never become an Alpha. The Omegas knew that Pops was destined to walk in Purple and Gold and John Kinard opened the doorway. Dad said "I didn't have any clothes except for the clothes on my back. John fed me, gave me clothes, and helped me raise the money I needed to pledge into Omega Psi Phi." Years later they remained friends as John became the first curator of the Anacostia Museum in Washington D.C. John and his family were frequent hosts to my family when I was young and I fondly remember eating Monkey Meat, Shark Meat, Octopus, and other exotic delicacies.

John's daughter Sara interviewed my Pops and reminded him that John and Pops help start a student riot on Livingston College's campus. According to Pops, who then shared the story: An another future man of Omega Psi Phi - Jesse Jackson Sr. (of I am somebody fame) and some other students held some sit-in demonstrations in North Carolina and the "white" citizens of Livingston North Carolina wanted to avoid having a similar situation. These citizens had been donating great sums of money to the historically Black College Livingston, and also the beginnings of the Food Lion Corporation had been supporting the College. A delegate from the citizens contacted the school and sharing their concerns about a possible sit-in stating that if such a sit-in occurred in Livingston the citizens would remove their support and also could impact the funding received from Food Lion. The school's Chaplin contacted Pops and Mr. Kinard and encouraged them to act in the best interest of the school's funding. This Chaplin then drafted a letter written from the perspective of the students stating that they had no interest in holding a demonstration. Pops and John Kinard signed the letter with the implication that they authored the letter and the correspondence was published in the local newspaper calming the concerns of the "citizens". Pops then shared how the students gave he and John hell for their act of betrayal and then held a riot to "demonstrate" their anger on campus. (Photo of John Kinard) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Kinard
As Pop's story ended we drove up into the parking lot of New Life - Providence, the church that my wife and Kids having been visiting for over two years now. Their New Years Eve service had been heavily promoted in the church and included food and drinks prior to the service, a service, and food and drinks following the service. New Life is a mixed congregation and prides itself in being "Trans-ethnic" as it boasts membership consisting of people of many ethnicity's promoting that the body of Christ, and the Church accepts all people ethnically. This position of Trans-Ethnic initially turned me off, and now I could take it or leave it. Surprisingly this pastor, Pastor Dan Backens (photo to left) has often shared information I learned in my times frequenting Black studies groups such as the incorrect presentation of 3 Kings on the standard Christian Nativity scenes. Today as we walked in the sanctuary Pastor Dan surprised me and Pops by giving the Black History of the New Year's Eve (Watch Night) Service. I normally post to the e-group of the Imani Foundation each year a special historical note regarding going to church on New Years Eve. "The Watch Night Services in Black communities that we celebrate today can be traced back to gatherings on December31, 1862, also known as "Freedom's Eve." On that night, Blacks came together in churches and private homes all across the nation, anxiously awaiting news that the Emancipation Proclamation actually had become law.Then, at the stroke of midnight, it was January 1, 1863, and all slaves in the Confederate States were declared legally free. When the news was received, there were prayers, shouts and songs of joy as people fell to their knees and thanked God. Black folks have gathered in churches annually on New Year's Eve ever since, praising God for bringing us safely through another year. It's been nearly 140 years since that first Freedom's Eve and many of us were never taught the African-American history of Watch Night, but, tradition still brings us together at this time every year to celebrate "how we got over." Pastor Dan, an older white guy, almost read the above information word for word with a few changes in the presentation to make it appropriate and relevant. Pops and I looked at each other slightly amazed. (Photo of Paster Dan Backens)

Pops, who has been a minister for over 60 years left the service feeling refreshed and stated that he approved of Pastor Dan's approach to ministry and the service. He had visited the church once before this year when his eyesight was with him. What a difference a few days make. Three months ago he drove himself to this church, now we have to lead him from the truck. I give thanks to the Almighty for 2008. I've had a chance to spend a great deal of time with Pops and my life has been affected, my fatherhood has been affected, and my faith has deepened.

Be Improved...... Love, Seko
If you know anyone who is drowing in debt, or needs to invest in their future... I'm never too busy for your referrals. 757-404-3743.
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Seko Varner is from Positive Vibes Financial, a World Financial Group team of financial services agents. They specialize in debt reduction, investments, and insurances. Seko is in high demand as a special events DJ and owns an event marketing service. Seko has diverse background in business, counseling and education. He has been real estate agent, a school counselor, a teacher, and an Intensive In-Home Counselor. Seko is active with numerous Youth Mentorship programs and has a background in radio and television. Visit www.HappilyEverAfter.Be or call 757-248-3820 for more details.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Sunday Schooled' - Civil Rights & Civil Rage

'Sunday Schooled' is a collection of blog posts from Seko Varner's former blogs. This post was dated 04/10/2008 while Seko's father, Rev. Dr. Samuel Varner was alive. 
Original post: http://drivingmrdaddy.blogspot.com/2008/04/civil-rights-civil-rage.html

Civil Rights & Civil Rage

"came to African with rifles and Bibles, heard the names and started changing the titles. So instead of Shaka Zulu I'm Nat Turner with a burner..."
.....Dead Prez - 2000
 
I'm sure most of my fellow Americans (U.S.A.) will not understand my parent's rage. My mother describes American-born Blacks and/or African-Americans as suffering from Post Traumatic Stress disorder when she share how Africans and African descendants who migrate to our country seem to fare better on a whole than native born Blacks or African-Americans on the whole. My parents have been the best example of not harboring hate towards people, and have never held their tongue when describing the life that America has given them. I'm walking the same road as they did as a parent; I'm attempting to raise my children, and other children I come into contact with, with a love for all and an appreciation for all creation. 
 
As I listen to Sean Hannity, Neal Bortz, and my old favorite Rush I've learned that America's rugged individualism will seem at odds with the communal approach to living that seems to be in the heart of all African civilizations and nations that have an African genetic make-up. Our communal living seems similar to socialism and communism. When we support Black Businesses it may seem like reverse racism. I understand why the ideas expressed in the Kwanzaa principles may seem anti-American to one who seems like an outsider to what the principles embrace.
 
While discussing why some many were upset with Dr. Jeremiah Wright's statements and worried about Obama's connection with Trinity United Church of Christ I saw the rage jump out of my parents. They felt personally attacked by the "Republicans" who were airing the concerns that I was able to express to them as an avid listener of conservative radio. My dad pounded on the table shouting "Do you know what white folks have done to me ?"......."Yes" I answered. We have experienced America's devilish and Godly nature. The colored Americans of my great-great grandparents, great grandparents, grandparents, and parents time have all looked at America and said "Forgive them God, for they know not what they do." These generations loved America as Yeshua (Jesus) loved the world. Yeshua loved the world enough to be radical and tear stuff up in the temples and also to allow those temple folk to inflict terrorist acts upon him while he prayed for the Almighty to change their hearts. As we spoke, and allowed them to vent their anger, an understanding of the dual feelings we have for our country surfaced. We love America and hate America simultaneously at times. We love our country but don't truly trust our government. We've said "Damn America" and would pray for America in our next breath.
 
Seeing the media demonize Dr. Wright, a U.C.C. pastor, because he said what many of "African in America" have said. Americans in their zeal to better America are now attacking anything that seems to radical. My parents generation remained quiet and full of hope for America when America showed progress and regress in regards to Blacks. This generation is now being demonized for feelings that are natural. Our country legalized and allowed terrorist acts to occur to it's primary non-European descended citizens. Our country paid others to commit acts of war to our enemies. It's always been interesting to me how we seem to have ongoing disputes with countries and individuals that were former employees of America such as Ben Laden and Castro.
 
I've heard hosts and callers of my favorite shows state that while Dr. Wright may have a little truth in his statements his statements seem to ignore the great strides our country have made towards ensuring civil rights to it's citizens. I stated to my parents that we are going to seem angered and "preaching hate" unless we constantly drive home the point that America has changed, while we continue to point out it's past and present flaws. The conversation ended with an uneasy air as both parents wrung their hands containing the anger towards the past sins of America upon it's citizens. This generation was never given a chance to heal from the wounds that America inflicted upon them. Today their attempts to heal these wounds seem Anti-American. They can't win for loosing. 
 
It's funny how America and Christianity have had similar effects upon Africans and Indians. Both have been blessings and curses. Via America a group of Africans/Indians have been able to be a part of the best Nation in our current world, through America some of the greatest acts of evil have affected these same African/Indian people. Via Christianity our people have been in contact with the creator through Yeshua, at the hands of Christians our African/Indian people have died, lost land, and been enslaved. Both America and Christianity were a the core of this issue that the country faced with Dr. Wright's statements.
 
As Christians and as Americans my parents have faced the difficulties and opportunities with a fortitude I admire. When I consider what people who considered themselves to be Christians have done to others and when I consider what Americans have done to others I've often wondered why I am so proud to called a Christian and an American. I must say it's because of the models I've had with my parents. Civil Rights & Civil Rage now seem to be the Christian and American way.
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Seko Varner is from Positive Vibes Financial, a World Financial Group team of financial services agents. They specialize in debt reduction, investments, and insurances. Seko is in high demand as a special events DJ and owns an event marketing service. Seko has diverse background in business, counseling and education. He has been real estate agent, a school counselor, a teacher, and an Intensive In-Home Counselor. Seko is active with numerous Youth Mentorship programs and has a background in radio and television. Visit www.HappilyEverAfter.Be or call 757-248-3820 for more details.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Sunday Schooled - My father is now my ancestor

3 years ago ! Ashee, ashee, ashee. For three years the memory of my father, and his crossing the bar into ancestor-ship brought pains to my stomach, tension in my voice, and very often uncontrollable tears.
Today I rejoice that he is home, or closer to his home in Glory.... Tears, pains, and all. May the almighty be praised. May my father's memory and legacy continue to be a blessing. May his 'ancestorship' remain a blessing. May my mother's heart heal. As Luther said...... "Dear Lord she dying, to dance with my father again." - Seko Varner 09/22/2012

'Sunday Schooled' is a collection of blog posts from Seko Varner's former blogs. This original post is dated 09/25/2009 a few days after Seko's father died. Originally posted here: http://drivingmrdaddy.blogspot.com/2009/09/my-father-is-now-my-ancestor.html   

Dr. Rev. Samuel Lee Varner: Sunrise 10/19/1937. 
Sunset 09/22/2009.
9.22.2009 I was awoken suddenly at 1:37 a.m. I couldn't determine what awoke me. I couldn't immediately return to sleep. 10 minutes or so later I was snoring. At 1:51 a.m. I'm awakened by a phone call. I hear my mother's muffled voice crying hysterically. My sister in-law then appears on the line saying "Seko, Papi's gone. He's gone."

I couldn't breathe......... "Are you saying that he's dead ? Is that what you're saying ?" hoping that Dad was moved to another room in the Rehab' Center. Life nudged me and I fought back throwing the telephone receiver at the mirror shocking my wife awake. "What, what is it Seko ?" I couldn't answer........Too busy screaming.......Too busy crying.....I wanted to break everything in sight. I ran out of the room yelling and grabbed a lamp on the way out hurling it towards the window. Rhonda's trying to calm me down while I run down the stairs and out of the house screaming. "Don't drive, don't get in the car" she begged as I ran down the streets of my neighborhood. I had to get somewhere where I couldn't break anything else. Finally I fell to my knees on a patch of grass near the main street. After a while I sobbingly returned to my house, dried my eyes, and gathered myself........ Until I looked into the worried face of my 7 year old daughter. The look on her face weakened me as I fell to the floor crying and trying to catch my breath. I couldn't look at my son, I didn't want to make eye contact with him as I couldn't be a strong supportive father at this moment in time. I hated that he saw me completely floored and unable to control myself. I tried to breathe to calm myself but I couldn't. I felt as if I lost the reason to breathe.






Eight hours ago I returned from an anniversary trip to New Orleans with my wife of twelve years. I planned to see Dad as soon as I returned, but became wrapped up in seeing a few counseling client's instead thinking that I'd be able to see Dad tomorrow. Tomorrow never came, tomorrow will never come. Enroute to the nursing home to hold the lifeless hand of my father I sent the text: "My father is now my ancestor."

Seko Benjamin-Eric Varner, 09/22/2009
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Seko Varner is from Positive Vibes Financial, a World Financial Group team of financial services agents. They specialize in debt reduction, investments, and insurances. Seko is in high demand as a special events DJ and owns an event marketing service. Seko has diverse background in business, counseling and education. He has been real estate agent, a school counselor, a teacher, and an Intensive In-Home Counselor. Seko is active with numerous Youth Mentorship programs and has a background in radio and television. Visit www.HappilyEverAfter.Be or call 757-248-3820 for more details.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Sunday Schooled - First feelings of Fatherhood

The 1st Feelings of Fatherhood
'Sunday Schooled' is a collection of blog posts from Seko Varner's former blogs. This original post is dated 09/06/2008 while Seko's father was alive. Originally posted here: http://daddyvarner.blogspot.com/2008/09/first-feelings-of-fatherhood.html 
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Roman calendar June ninth in the Christian year 2000. This was a Friday morning. I'd secretly call him Kofi (male child born on a friday) and he would be known as "Trooper" for the first seven days of his life. The hospital recorded him as Baby Varner. Weeks prior the staff at the hospital shared with me and the expectant Wifey that a child had to have a name prior to leaving the hospital. I told her than it wasn't the tradition of my culture to name the child upon birth. She asked me what my culture was. I said 'Pan-African' (I had to come up with something, I wasn't prepared for that question). I then asked her if she would have this conversation with me if she thought I was Jewish. She admitted that if she thought I was Jewish she wouldn't have asked for the name prior to birth. Seventeen months later as the Wifey and I had our pre-delivery session at the hospital the hospital staff smiled at me when she omitted the section for the child's name saying "You'll name the child in seven days right...?"

The first time I held my child was marvelous, magnificent, and truthfully ............ I don't remember it. I remember doing the counter-pressure pushing against Wifey's back as she screamed bloody murder providing me with the 'natural' birth that she knew that I wanted our child to have. She was a trooper also. He came out screaming bloody murder as I fell onto my knees to worship but ended up barking like an Omega as the doctor stated "You have a son." The look on the doctors face was priceless. He didn't know what to think of me in earlier sessions and today I'm in the Grand Buba that I wore at my nuptials, and that I plan to be buried in barking loudly. The family was in the room outside the delivery room and they came rushing in after I scared the Doctor and delivery staff excited awaiting the newest VArner child. My brother Daniel videotaped the whole event, he almost fainted when the son came through the delivery canal. On the video that he captured you can see the baby's head pop though and then Daniel says "Oh my God" and the camera lens goes from the delivery scene to the ceiling with the sound of a thud as his head hit the wall. That day: I remember pouring libation and praying, thanking God for a safe delivery and a son. I remember taking him to the nursery and I remember how he wouldn't stop crying in the hospital room. I don't remember touching my son. I know I cut his umbilical cord. I know I changed his diaper. I know I fed him. I know I cleaned him. I know I wrapped him in swaddles. I just don't remember holding him.

This became important to me as I was watching "City of Men", the Brazilian film of one of the worst areas in Brazil. During the film a depiction of the nurse encouraging the father to hold the child for the first time. He was afraid. I had held and guided children for over 15 years prior to this day...... I was afraid too. What struck me the most was while watching this movie I realized that I can't remember holding my son for the first time. Seventeen months later I don't remember holding my daughter for the first time. Now the son is eight and the daughter is six and I'm about 50 pounds heavier and I hold them as often as I can. I perform "the blessing of the head ritual" everyday as they prepare to board their bus. I ask God to "bless their head so that they may think of you, bless their face so that they may face you, bless their eyes so that they may seek you, bless their noses so that they may breathe your spirit, bless their mouths so that they may speak of you, bless their ears to that they may hear you, and bless their shoulders to carry your cross." As I finish this the son and I try to punch each other leaving a religious/sentimental moment with a fun filled macho guy touch. The blessing of the daughter's head ends with a big huggie and blown kisses. I may not remember the first touches, but I'm ensuring that they will remember the embraces we shared. Hopefully those embraces will mean as much to them as they mean to me.

My first fatherly feelings: Struggling for cultural continuance, feeling the resistance as the wifey pushed them through, feeling a reason to worship, feeling as reason to express joy, and then fear........... Thanks Almighty, we bless your presence.
Seko
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Let's be improved ! 
Seko Varner is from Positive Vibes Financial, a World Financial Group team of financial services agents. We are able to held reduce debt, make better use of income, and invest for the best results. Seko also has ownership in and works with Positive Vibes DJs and the event marketing service Happily Ever After.Be. Seko has a background in counseling and special education. He was employed for 14 years with Portsmouth City Public Schools (Virginia) as a counselor and as a teacher. Seko has also worked as an Intensive In-Home Counselor for over 10 years. In addition to his business ventures Seko is active with numerous Youth Mentorship programs and has a background in radio and television media. Visit http://www.HappilyEverAfter.Be for more details.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Sunday Schooled - Family

 'Sunday Schooled' is a collection of blog posts from Seko Varner's former blogs. This original post is dated 11/24/2007 while Seko's father was alive. The original post can be found here: http://drivingmrdaddy.blogspot.com/2007/11/family.html
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Most Friday nights we have "Family" night at Dad & Mom's/Mom & Dad's house. Dad cooks, as he has most of my life, and we all enjoy. Tonight while sitting with my arms around Mom, Dad told a story about Advent Community Church, the church he began in Columbus Ohio. The United Church of Christ intended the church to be a bi-racial church where (so-called) Blacks and Whites worshiped together as they had been aware that naturally only a 90-10 rule would apply.

The U.C.C. gathered the 5 white families for Dad although he wouldn't begin the church until he had a black group as well. The church met with 15 whites and 35 blacks until the decision for a name surfaced. Pops really wanted to name the Church 'The Emaeus Road' yet the whites wanted to name the church "The New Hope" to recognize the hope of racial conciliation through integration. Pops shared how the blacks decided, without regard to the name, that they were not going to let the whites name their church. Dad & Mom then noticed that the church was deeply into studying early christian celebrations and they were in the time of Advent. A vote allowed the divided groups to come together in a name...Advent. A name that is a big part of my life came about to bring the races together.

Interestingly enough the church my family attends has as one of it's tenants the concerted and deliberate effort to be Trans-ethnic as a ways to destroy racism. I love the church for it's children-based offerings, the trans-ethnic drive isn't really a draw for me but somehow it had a familiar twang. I then considered my desire to place my children in a Black-owned elementary school while my wifey wanted a Christian-based school. We found a mix of the two in New Light Baptist School of Excellence. I also enjoyed the fact that New Light had a diverse African-descendant experience for my kids as American, Caribbean, Hatian, Afrikan, and Latinos of African descent all placed their kids into New Light.

As my son became a first grader I/We decided that it was time for him to be placed into a school that offered a........(I hate this word).....transethnic experience that involved more than children who were of Afrikan descent to ensure that my son could conquer the world. As Dad finished his story I looked around the room at my family and realized that my Afrikan-centered family has always made strides to immerse ourselves into a morally-high quality Afrikan-experience before entering the more diverse world. I couldn't help but smile as Mom shook her head in agreement with Dad's story. My Dad, who broke racial barriers with institution-creation, my Mom who broke racial bariers by being strong enough to face the devils of the white supremacist paradigm, and our family who have always made decisions to break racial barriers only after becoming firm in our African/Indian experience. My family is your family......Let's be family.
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Let's be improved ! Seko Varner is from Positive Vibes Financial, a World Financial Group team of financial services agents. This team began in 2010 and is coached by WFG's Team Unstoppable. Seko also has ownership in and works with Positive Vibes DJs and the event marketing service Happily Ever After.Be. Seko has a background in counseling and special education. He was employed for 14 years with Portsmouth City Public Schools (Virginia) as a counselor and as a teacher. Seko has also worked as an Intensive In-Home Counselor for over 10 years. In addition to his business ventures Seko is active with numerous Youth Mentorship programs and has a background in radio and television media. Visit html://www.HappilyEverAfter.Be for more details.