Feelin’ Some Kinda Way ~ About Fear, Insecurity & The Bubbleguts
One morning I awoke to fear. I didn’t immediately know what I was afraid of; I just opened my eyes to this quiet sense that I was troubled, worried, something’s just not right in my world this morning – at 4am. I promised God and myself some time ago that I wasn’t going to complain when I had these 4am wakeups. Whatever the feeling I have when waking during this time, I’m convinced that God has something to say. The question is whether I plan to talk, listen, or write.I talked, listened, and wrote.
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This is a guest post by AngelinaD. The original post can be found here:
http://angelinad.wordpress.com/2012/05/09/feelin-some-kinda-way-about-fear-insecurity-the-bubbleguts/
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Fears often come to us in the form of people, places, things, events, tasks, etc. It’s the fear of ________. You can easily define what fits in the blank. But, I have come to understand that when I cannot define fear, it’s because I’m not really afraid. I no longer carry the spirit of fear. I, like you, must face things of this world, but I am not afraid anymore because I KNOW that God has my back. Whatever the outcome of whatever I undertake or whatever is thrown at me, I am going to be ok. I’m not troubled by fear. We don’t need to be afraid.
But, it’s 4am. My day is not ready to start, and I thought I awoke to fear. So, I began to ask, “What is it that I’m feeling…Help me see what’s troubling me…” and in an instant, the bubbleguts tell me immediately that I’m dealing with – insecurity.
in·se·cu·ri·ty – a feeling of apprehensiveness and uncertainty; a lack of assurance.
I had replaced fear with a lack of faith – in faith. And now, I’m waking to doubt. We only need a mustard seed of faith to be assured of salvation; and yet, I awoke with my stomach in knots because I wanted, needed assurance that I was hearing from Him. I already had assurance. I was certain of that. But, I needed confirmation.
What an uncomfortable feeling! To awake to physical discomfort rooted in seeds that I allowed to be planted. Headed to the facilities, I became more overwhelmed with self-doubt. I wondered on some current events and situations and looked for a cause rooted in me. I began to replay my actions. Did I make a misstep? Did I do something I wasn’t supposed to do? But why would I doubt me when the things I do are not for me? In the facilities, I released – waste. Waste that formed in my bowels as the result of something I ingested {ate, heard, saw}. The stench of defecated process re~assured me.
My eyesight adjusted to the darkness of the room, and I could see all that was around me – now – everything is in its place. And, I heard – “It is for ME.”
And then, I flushed.
Assurance is Confirmation.
May you experience the bubbleguts.
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